I got a comment on my previous post. It was true and very insightful. But I just want to say that the list of things I want in a man, is dare I say it, is just a list. Though I do believe I am doomed when it comes to meeting guys.
Being in three relationships continuously for five years and then suddenly out of the blue, being absolutely alone is not easy. Faced with moments of intense loneliness, one tends to make lists.
My last relationship that lasted for three years was incredible. There was nothing wrong with him. But he went away. And that was it. I have a pattern now. The only men I like are younger than me, with accents and passports to go away – I may or may not ever see them again. And so it goes.
After my last relationship, things went batty. I have met several people, I have gone out on “dates” and came home feeling lonelier than ever. Let me take you through some of these, maybe then those “9 type of boyfriends” comment will make little difference. Cause I think I have seen quite a bit myself.
Mid-year there was a boy. Younger than me. A trainee at my work place. Very hot. He was studying abroad. He went back in two months.
I went for dinner with a guy who could not stop talking about the girls he has “conquered” Then when the bill came, he said “So are you going to get that or should I?”
I went to meet another guy, who I only corresponded with on the internet. I had never seen him. So when I saw a guy standing outside the coffee shop, with side parted hair, high waist pants, a hunch, a uni-brow, a synthetic shirt with an obscenely small pocket on his left man-breast, needless to say I was disappointed.
Stop being shallow, my good little inner voice said. I decided to look beyond (partly because I couldn’t look directly at him) I told him that we could only be friends. And he acted like I was breaking up with him. Fine, he said, there is nothing left to say.
It was a disaster. I have not mailed, called or heard from him again. Good.
Guy four. He needs only a one line descriptor. Hey, I like you, not like that, cause I have a girlfriend, and nothing can ever happen between us, cause I really love my girlfriend and I would die if she left me. But can I feel your boobs?
Guy five. Normal. Nice looking. Successful, older than me (yipppeee) we went out four times. Fifth time I called saying he had to meet me that day.
What do you mean I have to? I don’t have to do anything? You don’t own me!
HUH? Excuse me?
It’s too much. Too much. Listen I think you should back off. I don’t like people. I am not a social being. I like being alone. Everything ends this way. I don’t want people in my life. Some day I will find a girl who understands me.
If he does, I will paint myself blue.
Guy six. Simply, absolutely, completely wonderful. He doesn’t live in this country.
Of course he doesn’t that would be too good to be true.
And so it goes. Wonder what the next one will be like. Waiting.
3 comments:
Don't wait woman
Have u ever watched a film called 'Under the Tuscan sun'?
In the film the dialogue goes like this...
"Listen,
when I was a little girl,
I used to spend hours
looking for ladybugs.
Finally, I'd just give up
and fall asleep in the grass.
When I woke up,
they were crawling all over me."
Get the point?
To add a quote along similar lines, again from a movie with Cameron Diaz (forget the name of the movie, but never the faces) which said..."Don't look for Mr. Right. Find Mr.RightNow"
Dear SC,
Ok…I’m sorry. Didn’t know my little humor stupor would actually be taken so seriously.
You know there a few things about love I’d like to share with you. My opinions.
See if anything makes sense to you.
First I shall start with a story.
A saint was bathing on the sea shore. While praying he saw a scorpion drift close to the waves near him almost drowning / washing himself away. He bent forward, picked up the scorpion and put him on dry sand.
The scorpion bit him.
Withering in pain the saint continued his prayers. A few minutes later he sees the same scorpion drift perilously close to the waves again. Again he goes and puts him on dry sand. Again the scorpion bites him.
This happens a third time. And a fourth.
A passerby seeing all this walks up to the saint and says “why are you saving the wretched animal? Every time you save him, he bites you. Let him die!”
The saint replies, “He is a scorpion. His karma is to bite people who touch him. I am a human being. My karma is to value life and life forms. If he being a scorpion cannot give up his karma, how can I being a human being give up mine?”
I leave the moral of the story to you. You decide.
The only way to find love is, well, keep finding it. Till you manage.
Love is like a discovery. It would be a miracle if it happens in one shot. It didn’t happen for Goodyear, it didn’t happen for Edison, it won’t happen for you or me. We just have to keep searching till we discover it.
And we cannot give up the search just because we failed. Once, twice or any number of times. The idea is to keep searching.
But that brings us to the search itself. You see, the idea of perfect love is not to be with someone you love. The idea is to find someone who loves you.
In this quest for love, you cannot indulge in fence sitting. You have to be in the center court. Keep trying. Keep trying. You cannot stop trusting people because they broke your trust. You cannot stop loving people because they didn’t love you. Follow your heart. And make it big enough to forgive. And forget. And move on. You don’t know what tomorrow has in store for you. So why worry?
Uncertainty is inevitable. Worry is optional. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
So my suggestion to you, purely on humanitarian grounds would be to stop waiting, and start searching.
If at all any of this makes any sense to you, please read the article on the following page.
http://spaces.msn.com/members/HarjeeKapur/Blog/cns!1pd1bs123N1SkOaWU4iR9QXw!114.entry
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