Wednesday, May 30, 2007

101st post


After all the complaining, whining, nit-picking, thinking, grumbling, over criticizing, rethinking, hair splitting and denouncing.

After all the quarter-life crisis’s, the ends of the world and the manic depression. After all the mood swings and emotional roller coasters.

After all that messed up nonsense, I’ve finally figured - I am completely incapable of happiness.


Wednesday, May 16, 2007


The person you love is 74.8% water

Think about it. More than half of the person you cannot live without is made up of a colourless, tasteless liquid. More than half of this person is something that is so common, it’s hard to see why you love them. And more than half of this person is something we take completely for granted.

Isn’t that something? Makes you wonder what the whole ‘love’ thing is anyway. What does it feel like? How does it manifest itself? And, have you ever felt it?

I think I’m too cynical to ever get answers to any of these questions. Which kind of sucks, cause I wouldn’t mind knowing.


Thursday, May 10, 2007


Have you ever walked down the street, staring pointlessly at the nearly-melting tar road, hoping and praying that a big, freakish bolt of lightening would just strike you, singeing you to the bone, just so you don’t have to walk another step or live another minute of this crappy existence you call a life?


Tuesday, May 01, 2007

sammy update

This past Saturday, I and a friend went to visit Sammy for the first time after he came back from brain rehab in the States.

The whole visit was almost surreal. I couldn’t believe that this guy, sitting in a wheelchair in front of me, was the same guy who used to be the one person who’d dance behind me every time we went out. I couldn’t believe that it has been almost two years, and the progress is still slow – he is improving, but it’s going to take a long, long time for him to dance behind me again.

We had lunch with his parents and his brother, who is the strength that has gotten Sam this far, when doctors said he would never speak, walk or understand anything ever again. We shared stories and I learned that Sam was a man of many secrets and a genuinely naïve guy, who may have been taken for a ride, more than once.
It made me want to beat up all the people who have ever hurt him. I was always overly protective of him, I’d snap at anyone who said anything about him or his art – so much so, when the accident happened, people in the office came up to me to ask if I was ok.

When I saw him, my heart broke into a million pieces, and I thought about what a waste of talent this was. How a stupid split second mistake can affect someone’s entire life and family. How you can curse Fate as much as you want, but still nothing changes what has happened.

His dad had phoned me a week ago saying Sam was slowly coming out of it and getting more and more depressed and needed people around him. He’s not talking much because his jaw is still messed up so he can’t really articulate – it’s mostly sign language and mumbles that only his family understands.

His legs are still weak and he was made to do some physiotherapy while we were there and the screams of pain were even more heartbreaking.

I’m not sure if he recognized me but I did get a thumbs-up when I asked if he remembered the club we used to frequent.

It took everything I had not to cry and be positive and tell him that I wanted him to have that poolside party as soon as possible. His parents have been so strong and his brother is just amazing.

It’s possibly the most difficult thing to come to terms with the fact that he is not well. But to still be positive about his progress and know in your heart that he is going to be better is comforting.

I have that feeling. I’m positive that he will be able to dance behind me at that smashing pool party we will have. Positive.