Monday, April 08, 2013

limp twilight

So after years of resisting it, I finally succumbed to the whole vampire book rage. I read part of the Stephenie Meyer series, but I must admit it was not with an open mind. I did try to understand why these books were so popular with the ladies: is there something intriguing about being ravished by a cold, undead man who shows little or no emotion?

On the face of it: Yes. The book is written from a young, pale-skinned dorky teen girl, who clearly has some kind of death wish, which is amplified more thanks to her attraction to a sparkly-skinned bloodsucker. He’s handsome, he’s mysterious, he shows no interest until she is completely smitten and then confesses he wants to drink her blood. He disappears without warning only to make her pine (like the knee-hugging, lying-on-the-floor-while-seasons-pass kind of pining. And for those of you who don’t know pining, that’s the hardcore variety of pining).

So it is a love story. And clearly gushing girls around the world are only looking at it from that point of view. But thanks to my overly logical thinking, I began to analyze. Which is when it whole thing got creepy.

Firstly, this snowy cold place is that she has moved to, clearly lacks any interesting women. Because two of the most hunky guys around like this pale-faced dorky girl, and are willing to die for her. A bit extreme, no? (This reminds me of my new girl theory – very apt in this context) Frankly, any guy who is so intense with you in school is bordering on being a social psychopath. Warning signs should have been going off all around her.

Secondly, and this is a biological point, Edward Cullen is a vampire. Which means he is bloodless. Which means he has no blood running through is body. Which means he can never have blood gushing through his privates. Which means, that every single intense moment that he shared with Bella was her own active imagination. For him, it would be as asexual as kissing an iguana. Which in turn means, he was only using her for her tasty, tasty blood, and all this sexual tension was in the mind of Bella Swan (how typical for a woman to over think the relationship!)

Thirdly, given the fact that Edward would be very bad in the sack, thanks to the above conclusion, I find it absolutely appalling that this dumb girl chose the pale, dead vampire over a hot-blooded wolf-man. Seriously? I’d pick hairy over limp any day!

Lastly, this angst and drama that is overflowing out of Bella’s life, just makes every other teenager around feel like, ‘man… why doesn’t anyone want to suck my blood? I hate my life… I’m bored!” Not a very healthy frame of mind when you are already a lame teenager.

I think a lot of my irritation came with picturing Kristen Stewart’s face in every scene. There’s something about that girl that makes you want to throw her into a fire and film it so you can see her emotionless face go up in flames, over and over again.

Wow, that was violent.
On that note….

Friday, March 29, 2013

hall of worship

I'm not one to write about religious issues. But this particular one has been bothering me a great deal. For the past several years the parish where my parents have a home, have been asking the government for a plot of land to build a church. There is no Catholic church in this area and for over 12 years the priests have been renting a hall where they conduct Sunday services. A hall.

A church, for anyone who has been inside one, is a glorious place. And honestly, you don't have to be of that religion to appreciate it. It is serene and quiet, with stain glass windows and a beautiful alter. It's magical. And there is a certain kind of aura to the place, an aura that you will never get from a hall, no matter how much silken fabric you throw around.

It's been approximately 12 years and the government has kept denying the priests. So the parishioners have continued to worship in a hall. They have made the best of a bad situation, renting sound systems and having a make-shift alter (a wooden table) where the Holy Book rests. They've built a community out of virtually nothing, they have been denied spaces to rent saying that the neighbouring buildings have complained about noise, and they have trudged on, not complaining about it and hoping that one day their prayers for a real church would be answered.

Meanwhile down the road: A small statue of a Hindu God was placed on a small concrete mound, at the beginning of a large plot of land. Having being placed there by someone, it soon became a spot for locals to stop and say a small prayer. Soon that small mound was surrounded by some marble flooring, a few bells... And before I knew it it was a full fledged temple. Now, I cannot honestly claim to know what transpired between the government and that community. I do not know if they too had a tough battle to get this temple made, I don't know.And i don't claim to know.

But from where I am standing, I think it is unfair.

Nevertheless, this parish continues to make the most of what they have. They've been moved now to a school hall because the rent of the last place increased. This hall is bigger, they are happy to say, because it can accommodate the growing parish. But, they say solemnly, please continue to pray for a church.