plummet

I was talking with one of the guys in my office when a senior walked by. He continued to talk as she passed, but he kind of got lost and mumbled some rubbish. I snapped him out of it and said, “What the hell is wrong with you?”

He looked at me and said, “Oh sorry, I was staring at her ass”

“You find her hot?” I said, mildly surprised. She is a rather attractive woman.
“Smokin’” was his eloquent reply.

He continued, “All the guys think so…and they think the same of (cannot-be-revealed name here) too!”

“What? Wow… Do they think I’m hot?” I asked coyly.

He hesitates, “Er… yea, of course you are.” Comes his fake but over enthusiastic reply. I stare at him, hoping to penetrate his brain with my Truth Eyes.

“You have a GREAT personality! And amazing eyes… and a sense of humour…”

Hmmm, he lost me at Great Personality.
I plummet into the depths of depression…

am i?

I have this friend who I consider to be a very close friend. Or at least I did until something very bizarre happened.

I was invited to a party, I was one of the few non-family members that were invited. I thought I was being a good friend when I tried to help her serve the appetizers etc.

I was wrong.

The next day, when I called to tell her how fabulous everything was, the food, the drinks… the whole party, she said something very strange.
She said, I’m saying this because I love you, but I will never invite you to a party again. You annoyed me. You kept coming into my kitchen and you were always in my way. I hated it, and I couldn’t handle it at all.

I was so hurt. Then I became angry. Then just plain sad…

I haven’t called her. And neither has she called me…
I’m not sure who is wrong anymore.

It lead me to remember a quote…

“A question that sometimes drives me hazy: Am I or are the others crazy?”
~ Albert Einstien

Am I?

rimmer

Dear Rimmer,
It must be awfully tiring to be such a sugar-coated, ass-licking suck up!

the height of insensitivity

Sitting in a brainstorming session, she looks up at us and says, “What if we have this really old man, who is, like, dying of Cancer or some shit.”

We stare at her, I’m thinking of my mum who has just gone through several sessions of chemotherapy, and the other girl, whose dad died of cancer a year ago.

I’m not sure if she didn’t realise, or if she just doesn’t care.

I’m leaning towards the latter.

remains of the day

Today I spent 45 agonizing minutes standing in a stalled train with sweaty women all around me. My ipod had died and I had no access to music or anything happy.
The morning wasn’t good.

I walked into the office sometime in the afternoon, hot and tired and one of the first things I see is the Shape Shifters butt crack. The first thought I had was, 'hmmm… looks better than her face..'. That's a new low, even for me.
The afternoon wasn’t good either.

All fingers crosses that the evening is better.

I love how optimistic I can be sometimes.

he's just not that into you...

This is a mail dated 14th November 2006, written to a guy I had a huge crush on:

Hello You.

It's four thirty two in the morning and I have just finished the last
bit I had to do before the presentation this morning. Yes, I am still
in the office and soon will enter the sleepy room and make genuine use of it.

There is no greater pleasure than to see your hard work being printed
- no wait - scratch that, there is a greater pleasure and that is SLEEP. Which i intend to do in five minutes cause my eyes are already half closed.

I hate sleeping in the office. I am constantly worried about who enters - Is my ass looking too big? Is it sticking out in the air? Has my top ridden up? Am i drooling?! Is that the Hammerman? Can I take off my bra? Will people notice? Does that camera work? Is the security guy a psychopath? So I end up having this fitfull sleep that doesn't really mean much in the scheme of things.

My boss has a bottle of whiskey in his drawer which he consumed steadily since 8pm... he is now not only slurring, but with bloodshot eyes, yelling at his computer. I think it also may be the Acid I believe he has every morning. He just came up to me and told me he has a nose (which either means he just grew one or he's in the know, i can't be sure)

My other boss, the fat one, has gone home - at about 8pm claiming to have 'finished everything'. He's all about the work, but when someone mentions food, cake or calories, he is the first to get up from a "really important" meeting to stuff his face.

Don't ask me while I am maling you. Guess I haven't spoken to you in a while and feel the need to vent? Maybe it's cause no one talks (and by that I mean, let me talk) non-stop.

Remind me to tell you something very funny about ponies. Trust me its frikking funny. I think the one thing i know is funny. I mean, I know a good funny thing when I see it. Like for example - the Ghendu thing i messaged you yesterday. I was talking about my boss in my head and said he was a FAT ASSHOLIC .. errr..errr HIPPO -which means hes a GHENDU... Cause Ghenda is hippo and ... (it's one of those dot dot
jokes - like the cunning stunt one)

So I was thinking of a couple of more reasons we should get married. One was so we didn't have to miss each other.

Anyway, Before I turn into a slurring, bald, acid-consuming, computer-yelling, work-shirking GHENDU - I'm off to bed. Well maybe not. Maybe I will surf the net and learn something of Wiki.

Shucks. I took a while to write this. It's almost 5am.

Goodnight.

This is his reply, dated 16th November 2006 (two DAYS later)

Hey. Thanks for the mail, it's always nice hearing from you. You shouldn't work so hard, by the way.


Ugh. I've realised I haven't changed one bit. I will still be perfectly nice to every asshole that comes my way.
Damn it.

son of a

I had a terrible day at work yesterday. It is amazing how many people have little knives in their hand waiting to stab you in the back. But I shall not dwell, because I have vowed not to let work get the better of me. As I now clearly see, I only write ads, I am not saving lives.

I decided to go and spend the evening with a friend and her dog. Unfortunately, this was the most boring evening I have ever had. All we talked about was the dogs’ poop, why he wouldn’t eat, why he wasn’t sleeping, how he scratched her, how he hasn’t taken a proper piss in a while. Something about ticks and how she spoke to him about barking too loudly.

The dog turned into a child. And my normally fun friend turned into this obsessive mother who just loses herself in her baby.

I was bored, tired and I wanted to vent. But every time I brought up my issues at work she’d start talking about the dog. Then I backed off a bit, maybe I was being too self obsessed. So I asked about the dog’s diet, is he not sleeping perhaps because he has worms?

And so it went on.

And on. And on.

When I started having people conversations, it deviated back to the dog.
Everything was related to the dog.

So I left and continued to have a crap day.

the shape shifter

I’m really not into office cliques. But I do have a set of really nice friends in my workplace and I enjoy their company very much. However, in the last year or so, there has been a new addition to our little group— a loud, intrusive, overly in-your-face people-pleaser addition.

I know I sound like I complain a lot about a lot of people, but honestly I have tried my level best to like this person but I just cannot seem to do it no matter how hard I try. There is something about this person I just cannot seem to like.
The saddest part is, this person, whom I will now refer to as ‘X’, doesn’t seem to annoy the rest of the group, which is why X is always around—at every party, every outing, every lunch, every tea break and, in effect, every god damned waking moment of my life.

X has to be the center of attention. X has to be the one that laughs the loudest; the first to give a ‘high-five’, the first to feign concern if you’re having a hard time and the first to poke its nose into other peoples lives. X shows off their work— something that I never can do. X never says no. X has also complained to my friends about how it thinks I don’t like it much. The pity vote.

X is a shape-shifter. X changes its personality with different company. X mimics your thoughts and acts like you until you think, “Oh my God, we’re so similar, she should be my best friend…” X has done this with all of my friends leading them to believe X is one of them.

I am not afraid of admitting it, I do not like X one tiny bit. But my friend’s do, and I love my friends, after all they are my core group at this point in my life. I wouldn’t dream of making them pick one over the other because I don’t want to be that person. X annoys me so much sometimes, that my mood just gets ruined entirely. Unfortunately, this doesn’t work at all in my favour because X looks all jovial while I am portrayed to be the moody, easily-angered, uptight person—making X more fun to hang around with.

So I am living with it. And I am working on trying to like this person and not nurture thoughts of ripping X’s head out.

I know it’s my issue and I need to stop letting it affect me so much. I’m working on it. But until then, let this be my catharsis.

train travails

If you travel by a local train at peak hours, you should definitely have something like Green Day or Prodigy playing on your i-pod. It makes you feel like you’re in the middle of a concert mosh-pit and therefore makes it a lot less annoying to deal with.

In these paranoid swine-flu times, a subtle cough will be enough to make the annoying sweaty woman in the dentist mask leap away from you, giving you space to move and breath. Warning: Do not use this maneuver too freely; it may cause you to be thrown out if the train.

After getting into a train, some women make an exhaling sound that resembles a deflating tyre. *fussssssss*. Don’t be alarmed, you don’t need to look for their ‘stephenie’ or anything (they don’t have one, although their trunk could pack it in easily). They are actually exhaling with satisfaction at getting into a train, although it may also be because they are exhausted after climbing into the train.

When two women are fighting in a language you don’t understand, do not to imitate them by yelling gibberish, trying to mimic their high-pitched tone—they do not find this amusing in the least.

When in a local train, size is relative: A woman with an ass the size of China will manage to squeeze into a 1.5 inch space if given the freedom to do so. Don’t challenge her, she loves a challenge.

Do not look a woman carrying a baby in the eye. Do not make happy faces at the baby. If you do, the seat you have taken 15 minutes to get will be emotionally blackmailed from you.

Do not offer pregnant women seats in the train. They may not be pregnant after all— it’s called the protruding abdomen syndrome. What’s worse, they will take your seat anyway.

Do not be fooled into thinking that you will escape all of this, because women stop traveling after 10:00pm. This is an gross untruth.

i'm just bored

Will someone please explain what all the fuss is about? Why is Frieda ‘Ugly’ Pinto getting so many eyeballs when she has nothing special about her? There are thousands of prettier and more attractive Indian women for the world to go ga-ga over— Laxmi Menon would be one on the very top of the list. It’s annoying that she is compared to the likes of Angelina Jolie! I mean seriously, what are these people thinking?

PEOPLE, SERIOUSLY, SHE IS UGLY.

And really, Dev Patel… you could do so much better.

Oh well, maybe she has a beautiful heart.

nadir

Main Entry: na•dir

Pronunciation: \ˈnā-ˌdir, ˈnā-dər\

Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French, from Arabic naḍhīr opposite. Date: 15th century

1 : the point of the celestial sphere that is directly opposite the zenith and vertically downward from the observer

2 : the lowest point



After two years of being in a happy and wonderful relationship, my world has crumbled down into a pile of nothingness. I feel miserable and sometimes short of breath. I have cried in trains, buses and cabs. Not to mention the office toilet.
I know. Everything is going to be ok. I’m better off this way. He totally isn’t worth this. It’s his loss. I’m a great person who will find someone super. Things happen for a reason.
I know it all.

Whatever. It still hurts like hell.

one of those days

Sometimes I reach a point when the ‘creative’ people in my agency make me want to rip out my throbbing eye and shove it up their ass only so I can actually ‘see’ where their ideas come from.

spit sucker

I had a dentist appointment yesterday. I have proximal cavities. One is now filled. The biggest one I am told. And I can’t stop my tongue from fiddling with it.

I hate going to the dentist. I feel violated. Some masked someone gaping down your orifice with whirring tools and a spit sucker. I hate the spit sucker.

I think going to the dentist would humble anyone. You have no control over your drooling. You’re laying flat, a big, harsh light pointed right at you. Your mouth wide open – exposed – a probing so deep, it makes you wonder if he can see your thoughts floating around in there – and with that thought you quickly stop thinking.

Thankfully my teeth are not in as bad a shape I envisioned them to be. I was diagnosed with proximal cavities about two years ago. And for two years I’ve had on and off nightmares of my teeth crumbling when biting on something hard. It wasn’t pretty.

Speaking of strange dreams, I had a bizarre dream the other night. While I was sleeping in my dream, someone rearranged my toe rings. When I woke, in the dream, I couldn’t figure which one went where and it made me very anxious – to the point where I was screaming down at my feet – Who did this? Why did you do this?

Shudder.

I used to have this creepy recurring dream. My second sister and I would plan to throw my eldest sister out of the window. We’d carry her and dump her over the balcony. In five minutes, my eldest sister would walk back into the house – all bruised. I, being very nervous, would plan to help her throw my second sister over the balcony. After which, my second sister would walk back – again all bruised and battered. Both of them would then realize that I was the common denominator and would throw me out of the balcony. I’d never return.

I don’t have that dream anymore. But I do get recurring falling dreams.
Maybe it’s the sequel.

Basically I think I need a spit sucker for my dreams.