the break up

I have been avoiding Satya, the guy who does my taxes, for the past month now.

I have been cheating on him with another accountant.

This other guy now has my papers. I have allowed this new guy to study my files, peruse my account and do my paperwork. I’ve even given him a Form 16, something Satya has been asking from me forever.

I have been with Satya for about a year now. We’ve gone through the PAN card process together, the TDS stuff and all the rest of it. Our meetings were brief but meaningful.
A signature here, a stamped paper there.

But it wasn’t enough. I needed more.
I needed someone who was passionate about my paperwork.
So I cheated.

Yesterday Satya called me and I did not pick up the phone because I knew I had to tell him.

I had to break up with the man who saved my money last year.

This is how the conversation went in my head:

Me: Hello?

Satya: Hi, It’s me… You know tomorrow is the last day right… (Voice trails off)

Me: Yea. I know… Listen, we need to talk…

Satya: Oh? What about? Are your papers not….

Me: Never mind the papers.

Satya: What?

Me: I’m getting my taxes done from someone else. I can’t do this anymore.

Satya: What?

Me: Listen, I needed to. He seems so much more into it. I know you have other clients….

Satya: What?

Me: Don’t do this! You know what I’m talking about!

Satya: But…but why? All I ever asked for is your Form 16, maybe sometimes too many times.
But, I did it for you..

Me: I know. I know. It’s not you. It’s me. I need more. I need someone who is into me.

Satya: I am into you. I’m the one that keeps calling. Do I even expect anything from you?

Me: I’m sorry. I really am. But I have to do this for myself. One day you’ll understand. We can still be friends and send each other Diwali cards.

Satya: (sighs melancholically)

So armed with what I was going to say, I called him back.
This is how the conversation went.

Satya: Hello?

Me: Hi, It’s me…

Satya: Oh hi...

Me: Yea. I know… Listen, we need to talk…(Voice trails off)

Satya: What about? Your papers?

Me: Never mind the papers. I’m getting my taxes done from someone else.

Satya: Oh ok.

Me: What?

Satya: Fine, I believe you owe me 1000 rupees for last year.

Me: What?

Satya: You can give me a check. Better still, mail it.

Me: What?

Satya: Ok. Bye

Me: Errm. Bye? Is that….

(click)




Arrgh.
Men. I despise men.