kamikaze chicken

So I did not take the new job. Yes, I may have lost out on a great opportunity to work with a great individual. It may have been a horrible decision on my part. But who's to tell.

Decisions. Decisions. The things I dread. I hate making them, I hate having discussions about them. I hate dealing with the consequences of them. I can't stand the millions of opinions, the advice and the suggestions you get. Especially when you don't want to hear any of it.

I got a lot of advice and I took a lot of opinions and I was swayed more than once in several directions. I lost sleep, appetite and I'm sure hair, in the past few days. Things were offered to me, things were asked by me. Negotiations and discussions ultimately landed

And now the decision has been made and there is no going back. There is no changing this pendulum of a mind I have. There is no more oscillating left to do.

Decisions. I hate decisions. I hate the word. I almost hate the consequences. Because after the decision, inevitably comes the 'what if'. What if I had ordered that instead, I would have enjoyed my meal more. What if I bought that top, then I would have looked so hot today. Ok, so these are trivial. But trust me, if I go to the life altering decisions I have made, I will probably break down and cry with all the 'what if's' running through my head.

Will I have a better sleep tonight, knowing my decision is made? Hell no. Cause now the what if's are kicking in. Already.

I'd like people to make my decisions for me. Like a professional decision maker.

No, it's not cause I am a submissive little thing. Far from it. It's cause I would love to have someone to blame if it ever blows up in my face. How could you tell me to do that? It's all your fault. I wanted to do the other thing!
Damn you. I hate you. You have ruined my life. Fix it! Now!

Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to Tantrums. Decision's evil twin.

So my previous post on living life and doing what you want and being passionate and living every second as if it is your last, is a cart full of crap apparently. Cause I did not take a risk and plunge into the unknown. I chose, Ahem, I made the decision to be safe. I cautiously backed away from a risk, never taking my eyes off it for fear it would consume me. I stayed in my little comfort, risk-free zone.

I chickened out.


But in my defense, I really did get the ear-piercing.